So, this is my life huh? Tales of the Shiseiten of
by KinkyEyepatchShit
Summary: what starts out as a normal day at the Freelance office of the Shiseiten, turns into an embarassing, tragic, and sticky, situation. Contains rabid raccoons, a truckload of lube, perverts, etc. Sum. sucks, so read the one inside. R&R too please.


Disclaimer: I do not own anything Samurai Deeper Kyo related, got it?

A/N: I was so mad becuz I had wrote this story already, I was almost done, and then I somehow erased it. So im pissed. Anyway, this is in modern day Japan. I've been pretty obsessed with the children/descendents/reincarnations of the SDK group, so this was born. Please enjoy, I shall try to make this as wonderful as the first one.

**So this is my life, huh?**

If anyone was to ever ask, how the Shiseiten of modern Japan was started, said members of the group would shrug it off, belch, and ask for you to pass the sake. You just don't ask questions about them, because then, they'd kick your ass. Or put laxatives in your food or something.

It started off as a normal, as normal as it could get, for Friday morning. The old hag, a.k.a the land lady, had been bitching for weeks for the rent, and she was promptly ignored.

Kisa woke up first at ten, stretching her short arms high above her head, and yawning widely.

She rolled over, and broke her glasses in one movement.

"Shit! I broke them again!" she exclaims.

Sighing, she sits up on the edge of the bed and slips into her slippers, making her way to the door.

And colliding face first into it.

"Ouch," she mutters, rubbing her head and glaring at the door, which stood there mocking her. How the hell can a door mock you?

And better yet, why didn't she get stabbed by some of the shards of glass from her glasses? Eh, no matter.

The huge lump on the bed snorted twice, and sat up in bed.

Running a hand through his hair, he glances around, "Damn, I didn't get laid last night," he observes.

"Now, where are my pants?" he mutters.

And spots them atop a jaw droppingly huge tower of sake bottles in the corner of the room, "Aha! There they are."

He retrieves them, and steps into them, sniffing the air appreciatively, "Heh, looks like Kisa burnt the eggs, once again."

The annoyingly cheerful voice was summoning him from the land of dreams, "Takeru, wake up! It's breakfast time!"

Wordlessly, he pulls the covers up over his head and snuggles into the pillow.

"TAKERU! If you don't get up now, the old fart will eat all the food!" prods the voice again, tugging at the covers around his feet.

He ignores it, until the prodding and yelling finally stops, and he drifts off again.

Only to be awakened by being drenched with cold, icy water.

Growling, he throws the covers off and glares at the woman, neon green eyes narrowed, "Just what the hell do you think you're doing, Mizuki?" he asks dangerously, wiping strands of wet, pale blond hair from his eyes.

She grins at him, "Why, I'm just waking you up silly! Now get up and get in the shower! I swear, you're so lazy! If Kisa had burned down the house, you'd just brush it off and go back to sleep!" she chides, turning on her heel and exiting, a grin on her face.

"Oh it smells like Kisa has managed to ruin breakfast once again!" she calls downstairs.

"Be grateful for the food I made, you ugly transvestite!" shouts Kisa in response.

The sound of fist hitting flesh follows, "Better watch your mouth little girl!" snaps Mizuki.

Takeru somehow manages to make it into the hallway, and nearly bumps into their red haired leader,

"You're actually awake, that's a miracle," she comments with a smirk, a red towel draped over her shoulder, bare foot tapping against the wooden floor.

The blond man shrugs, "Mizuki woke me up. With water," he replies bitterly.

She chuckles, and brushes past him into the bathroom, "Well I'm taking a shower first, that'll leave you time to dry," she states, and with that, slams the door shut.

Takeru blinks in confusion, then shuffles downstairs, intent of getting a piece of toast before the old fart, er, I mean Takeshi could eat all the food that's not hopelessly burnt.

He's met with a glaring Kisa, branishing a silver spatula,

"Takeru, what have I told you not to do when you come down here?" she asks seriously, slapping the spatula against her open palm.

He stares at her, "Uhm…not come down high?" he asks.

Kisa's eyebrow twitches, "DON'T COME DOWN IN YOUR UNDERWEAR!" she shouts, smacking him in the head with the spatula.

"Ow," he mutters, rubbing his head.

Takeshi stifles a chuckle as Kisa smacks the blond twice more on the head.

"NOW GO UP THERE, AND DON'T COME DOWN UNTIL YOU HAVE PANTS ON!" she shouts again.

"Yeah, hurry up, we're opening shop in fifteen minutes," adds Mizuki, glancing up at him from her plateful of…some weird substance.

Takeru gets one last smack with the spatula, and shuffles back upstairs, muttering under his breath.

"Now, I have a question," says Mizuki. She points down at her plate, "What the hell is this?" she asks.

Kisa turns her glare to the blue haired woman, "Eggs," she responds.

Mizuki snorts, and pokes at the black substance with a chopstick, "It looks more like crap to me."

Upstairs, Takeru once again almost manages to collide with Akane; and this time, she was clad in naught but a towel, beads of water dripping off her body and onto the floor below.

"You got yelled at for coming down in your underwear again, huh?" she observes.

The blond blinks at her, "How did you know?" he asks.

She rolls her eyes, "It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out, I'm sure the whole neighborhood heard her yelling at you to put your pants on. That, and the fact that you're up here in your underwear," she explains, as if to a small child. Which in truth, Takeru sometimes had the mindset of.

"Oh," murmurs the blond.

"I also heard that we're opening shop in fifteen minutes…and I think I have a perfect plan to pass the time," she purrs.

And of course, Takeru, being the oblivious one of the group, never caught the look of lust in the redheads deep crimson eyes, until it was too late.

Because a split second later, she grabs him by the collar of his shirt, drags him to her bedroom, shoves him inside, and shuts the door behind her.

"What the hell is taking Takeru so long? I sent him to put some pants on twenty minutes ago, and he's still not back yet," complains Kisa, wiping a dish dry with a dishtowel.

"Yeah, and Akane's not here yet either. I could have sworn I heard the shower stop awhile ago," Comments Takeshi.

Mizuki looks up from her magazine; "You don't think they could have…" she trails off, light brown eyes wide.

Kisa frowns, tying back her gray hair into a short ponytail, "No way. Akane isn't that desperate, or horny, this early. And Takeru is clueless," she says, totally missing Takeshi's knowing smirk as she flips the next page in the newspaper.

Footsteps in the stairs alert them to the approaching person, and sure enough, Akane bounds down the steps with a spring to her otherwise 'I don't give a shit'step, "Did you guys put the 'open' sign up yet?" she asks, brushing back her long red ponytail over her shoulder.

"Yeah we did, but where were you all this time? You're late. That's unlike you," says Mizuki suspiciously, eyes narrowed.

Akane shrugs it off, "I was trying to find a pair of panties. My lucky ones," she replies.

Mizuki grins, "Ok! Never mind then. Now…where's Takeru?"

She didn't have to wait long, because Takeru slowly comes down the steps and joins Akane at the foot of the steps, his blond hair sticking up in all sorts of directions, shirt wrinkled and to top it of: still in his underwear.

Kisa places her hands on her small hips and glares at him, "Hm, I see that YOU STILL DON'T HAVE PANTS ON! GET YOUR ASS UP THERE AND PUT THEM ON!" she shrieks, kicking him in the shin twice before shoving him up the stairs.

"He'll never learn," says Mizuki with a chuckle, "Well Akane, would you like to join me in the living room? We can watch some tv if you want," she suggests, spinning on her heel and heading for the living room.

Kisa sighs and retreats upstairs, mumbling under her breath.

"You're not even gonna invite me, huh ya femmy asshole!" complains Takeshi, glancing him from his paper.

"I don't like stingy old men, and to further add to my point, I took the opportunity to slip laxatives in your food," replies the blue haired woman from the other room.

Takeshi blinks in confusion, "What is she talking about, I don't feel UGH!" immediately rising to his feet, his nearly knocks down the table as he makes a mad dash for the bathroom, "DAMN YOU MIZUKI!" he screams.

Akane chuckles evilly from the couch in the living room, "Now was that really necessary?" she asks once she collects herself.

Mizuki glances at her, "Yes, it was."

Pounding on the door alerted Takeru to the fact that someone was needed in,

"It's occupied," he says boredly, glancing back down at the magazine in his lap.

"I don't give a shit! Hurry up, I need to go really bad!" snaps Takeshi from outside, where he was rapidly pacing the hall.

"Mmm….Nope," replies the blond, staring down at the scantly clad woman in the picture.

"TAKERU! I swear to god, if you're not out of there within thirty seconds, I'm leaving you a 'deposit' on your pillow!" shrieks Takeshi, holding his ass.

The blond looks up, a confused look on his face, "Eh?" he mutters.

"I mean, I'm gonna take a shit on your pillow if you don't get out!" explains a fuming Takeshi.

Takeru finishes up, pulls up his pants, and takes his time washing his hands.

He emerges from the bathroom a moment later, "It's all..."

But he barely registered the fact that Takeshi had breezed past him and slammed the door shut before he finished his sentence.

He stood there, blinking on confusion, "I guess he really had to go," he says to himself, tucking the magazine under his arm and strolling down the stairs.

"I see you finally have pants on," comments Kisa the moment he entered the living room, "Good boy," she praised.

Takeru raises a single pale blond pierced eyebrow, but chooses to settle himself on the couch instead, glancing at the other two, who both had their eyes glued to the flashing tv screen.

"Hey, change the channel," pipes up Kisa, glancing at Akane, the ruler of the remote.

Crimson eyes shift to her for the briefest instant, then return to the tv, "No."

"Oh come on!" whines the younger girl; lips screwed up into a pout, "This show is stupid!"

"You want me to kill you?" asks Akane seriously, no looking up.

Kisa remains silent, pouting angrily at the red haired girl.

"Whew, I thought I was gonna explode!" exclaims Takeshi, sighing in relief as he sat on the toilet.

"Damn that stupid Mizuki! The moment I get out of here, I'm gonna kick her ass!" mutters Takeshi angrily, reaching over for the toilet paper.

Only to find the roll completely empty.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

"Oh, we're out of toilet paper. Thought I should mention it," pipes up Takeru.

"Was that Takeshi screaming just now?" asks Kisa, glancing up from the tv with wide blue eyes.

"Ah, yes. I'd recognize that scream anywhere," says Mizuki.

Three pairs of eyes settle on her with alarm.

"And just how would you know what his scream sounded like, Mizuki?" asks Akane, a slow smirk spreading across her face.

The blue haired woman turns to face the redhead and grins playfully, "Oh you know," she replies.

A moment of silence passes, Kisa and Takeru decide to leave it at that, because in truth, they'd didn't want to know what those two might have done in their drunken, drug induced stupor.

Akane on the other hand was chuckling like mad.

"I think it's safe to say she's finally snapped," says Kisa, staring at the red haired woman.

Takeru nods, and then focuses his attention back to the tv. Ah yes, television, it makes everything better.

The front door opens the ringing of the bell above the door chimes out into the air.

"Uhm, hello, is anyone here?" asks an uneasy male voice, followed by reluctant footsteps venturing inside.

"Yeah we're in here, hurry up and get your ass over here!" calls Akane boredly, "And close the door, you're letting the hot air in," she adds.

The person who approached them was not one who looked like he belonged in their part of town.

He was tall and thin, was wearing a form fitting white band t-shirt, a pair of blue jeans clung to his thin hips, and to top it off; bright red converse. Tied to one arm was a bandana with tiger stripes.

He ran a tattooed hand through his short, rusty red hair, and glances around; at least, the Shiseiten thought he did, it was kind of hard to tell.

Because you see, his eyes were squinty. Like inhumanly squinty.

"So what can we do for you Mr. Squinty eyes?" asks Akane, staring levelly at him.

He frowns, "My name is..." he pauses, "Shintaro, and I am in great need of your services," he says.

"First off, quit the formal shit, it's annoying," pipes up Takeru, popping a bubble with his gum, "Second, squinty, jus' what the hell do you need us to do f' you?" he slurs.

Kisa glances at him, "Why the hell are you slurring? Are you high?" she asks.

Takeru frowns at her, "No, of course not."

"Well actually,"

"Hold on a moment, Squinty-san. We're missing a member of our group," interrupts Mizuki, holding out a hand to stop him from continuing.

"My name's Shintaro!" protests the man heatedly.

Harsh banging on the door startles the occupants of the living room, and without waiting for an invitation inside, the door is flung open, revealing a short old woman with dark hair pulled back into a bun, wrinkled face powdered with make-up.

"ALRIGHT LISTEN UP!! I WANT THE RENT MONEY NOW, AND NO EXCUSES YOU BUNCH OF LAZY GOOD FOR NOTHING LOW-LIFES!" She shouts.

"Careful now old hag, you might actually offend us," says Akane mockingly, rolling her crimson eyes skyward.

"Shut up you little tramp, you heard me before," snaps the old woman, "Oh, and I found this crawling through my bathroom window, looking for toilet paper," she adds, dragging something inside.

That something being a blushing Takeshi, holding his pants up with one hand.

"So I take it this old hags' bathroom is filled with all kinds of medicines, creams, replaceable teeth and equally horrible things," pipes up Kisa, staring expectantly at the older man.

"Shut up brat!" shouts Takeshi, finally buckling his pants, "And I'll get you if it's the last thing I do Mizuki!" he adds, glaring angrily at the blue haired woman.

"No hard feelings old fart," she replies cheerfully.

"I take it you eventually found toilet paper then? Searching in the old hag's bathroom. Being as old as she is, and old people usually have those kinds of problems, you probably found a mountain full," says Takeru, offering his say on the matter.

"AND THIS WAS ALL YOUR FAULT TAKERU!" screams Takeshi, as if remembering for the first time that it was the blond who had used the last of the toilet paper, and never told him to get another roll.

Takeru stares at him blankly, "Mizuki's the one who slipped laxatives into your food," he says.

"Oh yeah, THAT'S RIGHT!" shouts Takeshi.

"Oh shut up already you moron," snaps Akane, casting Takeshi a pointed look, "And you, hag, you'll get your money eventually. So continue to cling to that small spark of life you have left, and wait for your damn rent money," she continues, sending the old woman off with a one fingered salute.

Grumbling under her breath about useless young people these days, and red haired sluts, the old woman shoots one last glare upon the ground, and leaves.

Shintaro coughs, "So, uh, who was that?" he asks.

"That was the land lady," replies Mizuki, "She's quite adamant about getting that rent money," she explains.

"Then again, that's probably because we haven't paid her in about six months," adds Kisa.

"Can we get back to the point at hand here!?" interrupts Shintaro, frowning at them.

"Oh yeah I forgot to ask, who's squinty here?" asks Takeshi.

Glaring in frustration now, Shintaro snaps, "My name is Shintaro, and I need your help, ok!?"

Takeshi holds his hands up defensively, "Alright, alright, keep your panties on, squinty. So what's the problem?"

"More like, what's a dude like you doing in a place like this? You must have been pretty desperate, coming to us," says Kisa, raising an eyebrow.

"Either that, or the job he has for us is so extreme that he knows no one else will do it," adds Akane, "So which is it?"

"And how will you pay us?" pipes up Mizuki.

Shintaro blinks, "I'll pay you however you see fit," he replies.

"Alright, how about this. I'll right down a price on a piece of paper, and under it, you write down how much of it you can pay?" suggests Akane, pulling a piece of paper out of the couch cushin and scribbling down a price. She slides it to the squinty eyed man, and stares at him expectantly.

Shintaro nods, and grabs the pen from her, "Ok, how about this?" he says, scribbling something else down, and sliding it across the coffee table to her.

'Do it for free,' and under it, 'Will you go out with me?'

Akane stares at him blankly, "I'm guessing you really wish to die, huh?" she asks.

Mizuki takes the paper from him and scribbles, "Can you pay this much?" she asks, sliding it to him.

He glances down at the paper, and nods slowly, "Sure, but I don't kno why you would want something like this as payment," he says in a confused tone.

"What did you write down?" asks Kisa curiously, craning her neck over to see what's written down.

Mizuki smirks, "You'll find out sooner or later," she replies.

"I have a bad feeling about this," mutters Takeru, glancing up from his magazine.

"Well whatever, tell us what you need us to do, and it had better not be sex, cuz I can't imagine anyone having sex with you," says Takeshi, wiggling a finger in his nose.

Shintaro takes a deep breath, frowning at the older man, "I don't want sex! I want you to help me get this girl I like to go out with me. Her name is Shiina Emiko, the most beautiful creature I've ever seen; Flowing golden blond hair, deep aquamarine eyes, and the most charming laugh. I'm in love with her," he explains.

"And let me guess, you peeped on her or something, and she hates your guts," deadpans Kisa slyly.

Shintaro blushes, "It was an accident!" he protests.

"I had the feeling you were a dirty little pervert," teases Mizuki.

"Hey, if she doesn't go out with you, think she'll go out with me?" asks Takeshi.

The others glare at him in annoyance.

Someone flings a pillow at him, "We're trying to get money you dumb old bastard!" snaps Kisa, "Keep your goddamn mouth shut!"

Takeshi frowns, "I can help! I have the perfect plan!" he says, smirking at the confused looking Shintaro and draping a long arm around his shoulder.

"Now listen, all we have to do is this…."

"Oh my god, we're doomed," states Mizuki grimly, "The day Takeshi can get a date for this boy is the day Kisa learns to cook a decent meal," she adds.

"HEY! MY COOKING IS FINE ONCE YOU GET OVER THE BURNT TASTE!" screams Kisa angrily, waving a fist at the blue haired woman.

"He's right, we're doomed," pipes up Takeru.

"SHE you bastard!" growls Mizuki, throwing a pillow in his direction.

Shiina Emiko looks up from the computer screen at the sound of the doorbell.

Sighing, she rises from her seat and walks to the door, prying it open, "Yes, who is….oh, it's you Shintaro. What do you want? And it had better not be to tell me my boobs are nice, cuz I don't need your opinion!" she snaps at the squinty eyed man.

He shifts uneasily, "Uhm, Miss Emiko, I just wanted to tell you, I really like you. I know you know that already, but I don't think you truly realize how deep feelings for you are," he says, "So I brought you this, to show you," he continues, bringing a small box out from behind his back and offering it to her.

Emiko raises a perfectly sculpted blond eyebrow, "Really? Well I guess it can't hurt to see this through," she says pleasantly, and snatches the box from his hand.

Over in the bushes, there are a few snorts, suspiciously sounding like laughter.

"Shut up!" someone hisses, and an 'oof!' of pain follows.

"Did you hear something?" asks Emiko, frowning.

Shintaro chuckles nervously, "Uhm, no, of course not," he replies nervously.

Shrugging, the girl opens the box, immediately spotting the card, "Aw, a hand written card, how sweet!"

'Roses are red, violets are blue, I want to put my man juices in you.'

Aquamarine eyes wide, "What the hell is this!?" she shrieks loudly, punching him in the jaw.

Stumbling back a few steps, Shintaro holds his hands up in defense, "Wait!"

He grabs the card and read it,

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?" he repeats angrily, glaring at the bushes.

Emiko rounds on him, "YOU!"

"Wait! At least look at the gift inside!" protests Shintaro.

Frowning, Emiko grabs the box, and glances inside at the gift; a lacy pink thong.

"YOU PERVERT!" she shouts, kicking him numerous times until he was rolling around on the ground.

When she felt she was finished, she spit on him, "DON'T EVER TALK TO ME AGAIN, GOT IT?!?"

And with that, retreated angrily into her house, slamming the door shut and rocking the house.

Shintaro immediately stands, "What was that?! I thought it was supposed to help?!"

Takeshi steps out from his hiding place among the bushes, "Well, that's how I always scored," he says.

"And that's why the last time you got laid, we were toddlers, just learning to walk," says Akane smugly, emerging from the bush.

Takeshi steps forward until he and Akane were face to face, "Look here woman! I'm not much older than you!! And I've gotten laid plenty of times!" he shouts.

Akane snorts, "Yeah right."

"Alright, that's enough. Akane, I have heard rumors that Takeshi is actually currently at the tender age of thirty, although he looks much, much older," says Kisa, stepping from the bush as well with a rustle of leaves, Mizuki not far behind her,

"And Takeshi…just shut up…you're a moron," Kisa says to the man.

"Takeshi, you're really only thirty? How come you look about as old as the old hag? I had always thought you two had something going on, cuz we got a decent price for the house," pipes up Takeru.

Mizuki rolls her eyes, "Takeru, you can get out of the bush now," she says.

"Oh yeah," is the blonds' muttered reply, and a second later, he stumbles out of the bush, nearly colliding with Akane for the third time that day.

The redhead stares at him with a raised eyebrow, "Are you high?" she asks.

He stares back at her, glazed and bloodshot eyes speaking more words than he would, "No, how could I have possibly gotten high between leaving the house, hiding in the bush, and now?" he says.

"Well, you did go to the bathroom before we left, and you're been acting weirder than usual since then," Kisa points out.

"Who cares whether he's high or not! Now what am I supposed to do?! Miss Emiko hates me even more now!" whines Shintaro sadly.

"Uhm, Katsu-er, Shintaro, may I have a word with you please?" asks an uneasy female voice.

Turning, the group comes face to face with a short, violet haired girl, dressed in black.

"You know this chick?" asks Akane boredly, picking at her teeth with a pinkie nail.

"Yeah, this is Kimiko, our families go way back," explains Shintaro distractedly,

"Did you need something?" he asks the violet haired girl.

Kimiko flinches, "Well, I know you like Emiko-san a lot, and I'm sure you'll continue to pursue her, but I was wondering if you'd like to go out for a cup of coffee or something? Uhm, only if you don't mind, that is," she says hurriedly.

"Well actually," Shintaro's reply gets cut off with a sharp elbow in the ribs,

"Say yes you idiot! Here's a cute girl right here, asking you to go out for coffee!" Mizuki hisses in his ear.

"If you don't say yes, we're going to kick your ass!" adds Kisa, pinching him in the side with her sharp little nails.

"If he says no, can I go out with her?" asks Takeshi.

"NO!" shout the others in unison.

"Stay out of this old man! I'm sure she doesn't want to go out with someone as old as her grandfather!" snaps Mizuki, glaring at him.

"I AM NOT THAT FREAKING OLD!" shouts Takeshi.

"Uhm…" pipes up Kimiko nervously.

"Yeah, I'll go out with you! You want to go now?" asks Shintaro.

Kimiko beams, "Sure!" she replies, turning on her heel and walking down the steps.

"You'd better not screw this up, squinty," says Akane, "Cuz I don't think anyone else would want a freak with squinty eyes," she adds.

Shintaro glares at her, "It's not my fault my eyes are like this ok?!" he shouts, "Now, before I forget, you'll get your payment tomorrow," he says.

"We'd better, cuz if you decide to skip out on payment, we have methods of hunting you down," says Mizuki cheerfully.

'What the hell did she write down on that paper?' think the others in unison.

"Tomorrow then!" says Shintaro, and with that, leaves.

"He'd better not screw it up," mutters Kisa, arms crossed over her chest, "Akane's right, no one will want someone with squinty eyes like that," she says.

"I wonder how his eyes got like that in the first place," muses Mizuki.

"What did you write down on that paper, Mizuki?" asks Kisa, glancing at the blue haired woman.

"You'll find out eventually. I'm just going to tell you now, it's not a bunch of cook books to help you finally cook something edible," replies Mizuki.

"MY COOKING ISN'T THAT BAD YOU BASTARD!" shrieks the girl, advancing upon the blue haired woman.

"My, my, how rude," comments Mizuki.

"I can't believe you're really a man, sometimes," mutters Takeshi.

He gets elbowed in the face, "Now, I don't like you talking about me like that, Takeshi….Shall I tell everyone how you once wore women's underwear when you were twenty three?" she asks dangerously.

"You did WHAT?!" shrieked Kisa, before bursting into laughter.

"I guess you don't have the right to make fun of Mizuki now for dressing as a woman, then eh?" says Takeru, the corners of his mouth turning up into a small grin.

"T-That was a one time thing!" protests Takeshi, "And I was drunk!" he adds.

"I always knew there was something womanly about you," says Kisa in-between giggles.

"Shut up ya flat-chested little brat!" snaps Takeshi, eyes narrowed.

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME YOU OLD FART?! DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!" screams Kisa, punching him in the gut.

The man doubles over in pain, holding his stomach, "Argh! You damn brat!" he gasps.

"Hey look, a caterpillar," Takeru pipes up randomly, pointing to a tabby cat sitting on the steps, staring at them with sharp green eyes.

"Whatever he's on, I want some of it," says Mizuki, an amused grin on her face.

"Why would you want some of that? It must be tainted, he's hallucinating," chides Kisa, ignoring the whining Takeshi.

"Nah, he's always like this when he's high," explains Akane, smirking.

The next afternoon, Shintaro breathed in deep as he paused by the front door of the Shiseiten's Freelance business.

He was nervous, and the moment he woke up this morning, he contemplated not bothering to come, but thought better of it once he remembered Akane's threat.

Because the thing was, he believed her, and sure, dying at the hands of a beautiful red haired woman was great and all, but he just wasn't ready to die yet.

His thoughts changed again, as a high pitched, shrill shriek pierced the air, ringing painfully in his ears.

Staring with widened brown eyes, he stops again, hand hovering over the doorknob.

Taking another deep breath, he pushes the door open, and enters the very depths of hell.

And stops right in his tracks as he stares at the chaotic scene before him.

Four members of the Shiseiten lay in sprawled positions around the living room, eyes glued to the television, which flashed with its colorful moving images.

Kisa looks up, a ramen noodle dangling from her lips, and grins, "Hey! It's squinty eyes!" she chirps.

"Uhm, hi, I'm here with your payment," stutters the man nervously, waving in greeting, "And my name's Shintaro!" he snaps in irritation.

Three pairs of eyes stare at him,

"Well it's about time," mutters Akane, "Have a seat if ya want. We're just waiting for the old fart," she says.

"So Takeru, I'm curious…how ever did you manage to not only catch a raccoon and bring it into the house, but set it loose in the bathroom when the old fart was in there," pipes Mizuki, filing at her long pink nails.

The blond man shrugs, and pops a few pieces of dry cereal into his mouth, shifting the box into a more comfortable position on his lap, "I'm not really sure. I'd assume I was as high as a kite, cuz all I remember is coming through the front door early this morning, and crashing. When I came too, he was screaming at the top of his lungs," he replies.

"That must have been awful! You didn't see him naked, did you?" asks Kisa, wide eyed.

Takeru shrugs again, "If I did, I guess I just forgot about it," he explains.

"How did your date go with Kimiko-chan?" asks Mizuki slyly, "Did you guys get it on?"

Shintaro blushes, "I don't do that type of stuff on the first date! I have morals, unlike you people!" he exclaims.

"Heh, morals? Be careful squinty, like I told the old bag, you might actually be at risk of offending us," says Akane, chuckling darkly.

"Well you'd better hurry up and get her in the sack, I don't know what she sees in you, it certainly can't be looks," pipes up Kisa seriously.

"LOOK I CAN'T HELP IT! I WAS BORN THIS WAY!" shouts Shintaro defensively.

The others stare at him in awe,

"Are you serious?" asks Takeru, munching on his cereal, "I thought you just got in a car accident or something…Or got splashed with acid," he adds.

Kisa raises an eyebrow, "What the hell? If he got splashed with acid, he'd be burned, you retard!" she says.

"Can you, uh, put some pants on please," pleads Shintaro, glancing uneasily at the boxer clad Takeru.

The blond calmly chews his cereal, "Nope," he responds automatically.

"AHHH! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!" shrieks Takeshi from upstairs, followed by the sounds of rapid footsteps running up and down the halls upstairs.

"I guess he's having trouble getting rid of the raccoon, huh?" muses Takeru.

Shintaro stands, "Well uh, your payment is outside. I've got to get going; me and Kimiko have another date tonight. I guess I might see you guys again some day," he says hurriedly, and with that, dashes out the door.

"So what exactly did we get paid with?" asks Kisa suspiciously, eyes fixed on the blue haired woman.

"Go outside and take a look. It's in the truck," replies Mizuki coolly.

Nodding slowly, Kisa rises from her seat, and drags Takeru outside.

Mizuki smirks to herself, causing Akane to stare at her with a raised eyebrow, "Should I be dreading this payment?" she asks.

"It all depends on how you look at it," replies the blue haired woman.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU ASKED TO BE PAYED IN PACKETS OF LUBE!?" screams Kisa from outside, followed by Takeru's response of,

"Maybe she decided to have a giant orgy, and needed the lubricant."

And that was followed by a swift punch to the jaw.

Takeshi descends down the stairs, "MIZUKI! I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT! What if that raccoon had had rabies?!" he complains.

"It wasn't me," replies the blunette, "And besides, I really doubt whoever did do that would go through all that trouble to make you get rabies," she adds.

Takeshi frowns, and glances out the window, "Why is there a truck load of lube in front of the house?" he asks.

"That was the payment," explains Akane.

"What were you planning to do, have an orgy?" asks the man skeptically.

And with that, he goes outside, harping on the other two who had started to throw packets of lube at each other.

"Now there's nothing to do. That case worked itself out, but just barely," says Akane, "And there's nothing to do with that lube," she adds.

Mizuki grins, "Well hey, look at it this way: If the old fart ever gets on your nerves, you can poison him with lube," she points out.

Akane frowns in thought, "When you put it that way..." she grins, "I guess it's alright. The next case, I get to pick the payment though," she adds, eyes flickering to the scene outside where Kisa and Takeru had successfully opened packets of lube and smeared the contents all over Takeshi.

"YOU LITTLE BRATS! I'LL KILL YOU!" screams the older man, chasing them around the yard.

"The old hag is gonna be mad," comments Akane.

"Yeah well….not like that's ever stopped any of us before," replies Mizuki.

"Psh, this is my life huh?" mutters the redhead thoughtfully.

"Yep. Get used to it," says Mizuki teasingly.

"DIE!" shouts Takeshi, taking a swipe with his left fist at Takeru, who scoffs, and dodges,

"You're getting rusty, old fart," he chides, bending down to grab a packet of lube, "Maybe this will help," he continues, flinging it at him.

Kisa giggles, and watches as the packet bursts open as it collides with the older man's face, splattering the lubricant all over him.

Takeshi stops in his tracks, and slowly wipes the lube from his face, "I'll kill you," he murmurs softly, "I'LL KILL YOU!" he says again, and the chase begins anew.

"Ha! Only if you can catch us!" taunts Kisa, weaving in and out of the way of the older mans' punches and kicks.

"He really is a moron, isn't he," comments Takeru boredly.

"GRRR! GET BACK HERE!" screams Takeshi.

End…the ending wasn't as great as I wanted it to be….but meh…I have summer school tomorrow morning, so I thought it'd be great if I finished it now….This took me 4 days…2 for the first version, and 2 for this one. Now to clear a few things up, yeah I still haven't decided whether these five are the reincarnations of the SDK Shiseiten, or their descendents. I thought it'd be kinda amusing if they had a freelance business. I'm sure I'm going to be adding more one shots with them, so plz stay tuned. And plz, PLZ read and review…thanks

HotIceRed


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